


The letter was a very good decision.

by Kealpos



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: "lol" as i plot my death out and write this, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anyways, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Gen, M/M, Minor Angst, Misgendering, One Shot, Pining Jeremy Heere, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael, christine crush is forced at first but it actually developed to fade away as he got to know her, everyones out of character sorry, hm lets just mark it, i call michael lauren and she/her in one of the flashbacks but like it pains me, kinda one shot? i mean i dont break it into chapters so, like it totally pains me, listen i know i love to write this kids but i cant actually write them well lol, long fic, no seriously my birthname is lauren so im just like, no smut im asexual you eggs, theres nagging uncomfortable feelings for jeremy for years like ha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 11:46:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11312745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kealpos/pseuds/Kealpos
Summary: So,, Jeremy is Compulsory Heterosexuality™ and realizes he has a crush on Michael before Michael realizes he has a crush on Jeremy so hA GOTCHU!It's basically a long, out of character, badly written one shot, documenting the relationship between Jeremy Heere and Michael Mell. Michael transitions and Jeremy represses. There's angst. Jeremy thinks of mermaids in higher praise than dragons. It's a mess. There might be a kiss.





	The letter was a very good decision.

**Author's Note:**

> hm. misgendering tw for one. I call Michael by fem pronouns and dead name in one flashback.  
> sorry for so much text before the boyf action we both know thats the only reason youre here.
> 
> like,, my birthname is ,,lauren so i'm basing some of my own feelings towards it in the first paragraph off my own feelings lmao
> 
> Cool!! Now, I wanna do a shoutout real quick. At time of publishing, I am in the BMC discord server. There is where I pitched my original idea in a writing idea chat and then showed off the MITB section to an angst chat where I felt highly appreciated. The shoutout is to Cas of http://michaelisgay.tumblr.com who not only gave the great idea for the binder burning, but also,,,,,,, DREW ART!!!! BEFORE I EVEN PUBLISHED!!!!! Whoo! I'm not going to put the art in the actual fic (I have no idea how lol it also feels,,, personal, kinda) and they don't have it up on their tumblr, but you should still check them out! They were really friendly and encouraging!

There’s a couple of things about Jeremy Heere and Michael Mell that must be addressed.

  1. Michael is trans, and _very_ gay.
  2. Jeremy is _very_ bi.
  3. Jeremy is the definition of compulsive heterosexuality. It’s horrible.



Now, let’s start.

 

* * *

 

Michael’s name was Lauren before he had transitioned. It was stupid. You couldn’t even push a semi-masculine nickname outta that. Which was stupid. Even before he had known trans people existed and maybe he had to figure something about himself out, Michael knew he thought Lauren was a dumb name. He vowed one day, when playing with Jeremy on a trampoline, someday he was going to change it.

Jeremy had liked the name Lauren. He was nine. He seemed disheartened when his friend had promised to change it, but it was the right decision, Jeremy had thought.

Lauren had always seemed like an odd name for his best friend. He never really knew why until the third week before seventh grade.

Michael had come out that week, and had asked for help finding a new name, which Jeremy quickly accepted and agreed to. They had worked together a lot that week, trying to figure out a different name, while Jeremy recounted their friendship through the couple of years.

 

* * *

 

_They probably wouldn’t be friends if it wasn’t for Lauren cutting off her hair the day before kindergarten. She said she hated it long, and it was impulsive, cutting much too short. Another girl made fun of it a lot, on that first day, reducing Lauren to tears. She thought it had looked cool. But no, this girl, Marisa, or something, sneered at Lauren once she had come in. At her hair, at her patches sewn into a jacket that she was very thankful of her mother to do, of the pokemon stickers on her backpack and arm, at everything. Jeremy had noticed the girl with the patches and pokemon stickers and short hair as he was coming in, and was in awe. He begged his mom to bring him his pokemon cards soon as possible before he turned to talk to the girl, once his mom had left, only to see her slightly frightened of the other girl hovering above her. And so, Jeremy had gone to see what the hassle was. Once he had gotten a grip on the situation, Jeremy butted in, glaring at Marisa as he did so._

_“_ **_Hey, l-leave her alone! What did she even do to you? You’re being kinda mean._ ** _”_

_The girl, Marisa, had been surprised. And so, she shrugged it off, before turning away to do something else. At that point, Jeremy turned around, prompted by sniffling. The girl he had just stood up for looked close to tears, so Jeremy grinned at her, and gave her a hand to pull up. “_ **_Hi! I’m Jeremy! You want some help?_ ** _”_

_The girl had looked at him for a second before latching onto the hand, and tugged on the pressure to heave herself up._

_“_ **_I’m Lauren. What was all that for?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Well, I saw you when I came in. You looked nice, I guess._ ** _”_

_Lauren had given him a suspicious look before speaking. “_ **_You don’t think I look weird?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_No way. You like pokemon, right?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Yeah. I have a collector’s book in my bag. My brother says pokemon is for boys._ ** _”_

_“_ **_He’s dumb. I think it’s cool to find someone else who likes pokemon._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Even if I’m a girl?_ ** _”_

_“_ **_Of course! And hey, you want to be friends? I can show you all my pokemon cards today or tomorrow._ ** _”_

_Lauren smiled sincerely, nodding happily._

_“_ **_Yeah, let’s be friends._ ** _”_

 

* * *

 

“Hm. Hey, dude, what about the name Michael?” Jeremy had asked as he and the other boy scoured baby name sites.

“What’s it mean?” The voice from across the room replied.

“It’s this Hebrew name, you know, like Jeremiah? It means ‘Who is like god?’ indicating there is nobody like god,” Jeremy replied, echoing off what he read on the site to his friend, looking up when he finished, to see the other boy looking up at him with a curious expression, nodding, nodding, and then, it clicked, and a grin sprung to the other boy’s face.

“That’s it! Jeremiah Heere, that’s it! I don’t know why, but it just seems like me.” the boy, now dubbed Michael exclaimed, jolting up with the biggest smile Jeremy had seen in a long time, infecting his own smiling, too.

“Jeremy, fuck! I don’t know how to describe it, but that’s just perfect! I’m just, fuck! I feel like crying! I was so, so scared to tell you originally, but here we are, and you’ve done it!”

Once Michael finished his statement, he gave Jeremy a huge, dopey grin, meant only for him.

“Thank you, so very much.”

Jeremy really liked that grin right there. He hoped he’d see it again someday.

 

* * *

 

He got his wish for _sure_ , though he wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse.

Every time Jeremy said the right name or pronouns, Michael would give him that amazing smile. Something about it twisted up his insides.

Jeremy had immediately accepted Michael as a boy, no questioning. Every now and then he’d mess up pronouns or name, but only when he was out of of it pretty badly (like when him and Michael stayed up for two days working on a game level and he accidentally called Michael by his birth name.) He tried not to mess up. The happiness he got when he was correct so badly clashed with the heartbreaking fear and frown when he was wrong, that made them both want to cry, for different reasons.

His internal thoughts accepted Michael as a boy, easy peasy.

Once they entered school, though, he had to make sure to call Michael ‘Lauren’ and give him fem pronouns, knowing that Michael would probably be crying at the end of the week from overwhelming dysphoria; but it’s not like Michael was out to anyone else. It was per request, misgendering him.

Then one day, at lunch, Michael began talking about some video game his brother would be working on, and Jeremy offered to buy it for the pair of them once it came out. And Michael gave him the grin. The earth shattering, heart filling, angel rivaling grin, happy, and soft, and huge on his face, even without bringing pronouns into the picture.

And Jeremy felt it again, that... _feeling._ The feeling like he’d puke up his guts, but smile the entire time. Like moths were chewing holes in his stomach. Like butterflies were tickli-

Butterflies.

Butterflies.

Butterflies.

He smiled back, but he suddenly wanted to cry. Butterflies, that’s how everybody always, always, always described a crush.

No! No.

Jeremy didn’t find anything wrong with gay people, he just. Wasn’t one. He had had more crushes on girls than guys in the past, he scoffed to himself. He must’ve just seen a pretty girl and not realized.

And so, though he didn’t know it, he desperately looked behind Michael to the rest of the cafeteria, and his eyes caught a girl. Yeah, yeah. She was pretty. She looked friendly. He must’ve seen her and not realized it. Yeah, that’s who he had a crush on. Pfft, obviously.

“Hey, earth to Jeremy. Hellooo. You okay there, Jer-bear?” Michael asked, butting into Jeremy’s thoughts and pulling out the familiar nickname they had made up one day in first grade.

“Huh. Yeah. Hey, two things. One, thought of a great nickname for you, and it’s _Mikey_ ,” Jeremy said with a smile, bringing out a happy groan from Michael.

“Two, I think I just got a crush.”

“What, really? On who?” Michael asked, jolting up excitedly, craning his head to look at where Jeremy was pointing, at Christine.

“You think she’s cute?” He asked, receiving a nod.

“Well, Jeremy. I wish you happy years and many beautiful children,” Michael joked, receiving a squeaky “Shut up!” and a smack from Jeremy. Though, Jeremy felt like something was off.

Eh, it’d probably go away.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t go away. Sure, he’d felt more comfortable about liking Christine, and yeah, he definitely had a crush on her but, like, years. And years. Something felt off.

Something felt off when he talked about Christine.

Something felt off when he smiled at Michael to reassure him periodically as he came out to his parents.

Something felt off when he got nervous around her.

Something felt off when Michael gushed about his new binder and demanded Jeremy come over that instant.

Something felt off when Jeremy watched Christine in the plays the schools were doing.

Something felt off when Michael cried to him over the phone because this would be the last time they talked before Michael started testosterone.

Something just... Felt off.

And then the Squip incident happened. And everything ‘off’ got even worse. Something was missing, was making him lose his fucking mind, and not just Christine.

He didn’t know why he was so unhappy to see Michael again the few times he did, but god, something felt so wrong, more twisted than he could describe. He just felt uncomfortable. So he blocked Michael out.

And then, at the party. Jeremy didn’t call him a loser. He could never call Michael a loser. But he did use another word that started with ‘L’.

 

_“_ **_His squip didn’t make him crazy._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Oh. Well… There you go._ **

_“_ **_He went crazy trying to get it out!_ **

_There was a pause in the conversation. A lull as Jeremy thought. As it had been for months, for years, Jeremy felt something was totally weird in the dynamic here. Something being unadmitted. His squip seemed to talk for him, but… He was drunk. The squip wasn’t on. This wasn’t fully Jeremy though, that for sure._

_“_ **_Then I’ve got nothing to worry about. Why would I want that?_ ** _”_

_And just like that, Jeremy moved towards the door. He wanted to get out. Everything seemed fake, and artificial, and instead of alcohol, all Jeremy could taste in his mouth was metal._

_Michael blocked the door, and a deep, un-Jeremy like growl settled in the air._

_“_ **_Move it._ ** _”_

_“_ **_Or you’ll what?_ ** _” Michael challenged, the surprising few inches he had on Jeremy being put to use._

_Jeremy racked his brain, or, something else that was a mixture of him and a disgusting creature did. And then, his mouth turned into a horrifying and creepy combination of a sinister smile, and a deep, anger filled scowl._

_“_ **_Get out of my way._ ** **_Lauren_ ** **_._ ** _”_

_And Michael did, he stepped away, his face twisted in shock, and betrayal, and fear, mixing in with the horrible frown he used to have in middle school, when he got misgendered. Jeremy walked past easily, as if he didn’t care._

_Once Jeremy had left, Michael slammed the door shut and locked it, curling up on the ground, a knock cutting in._

_“_ **_Other people have to use the bathroom, you know!_ ** _” An exasperated voice said._

_“_ **_Go away! I-I’m having my period!_ ** _” Michael replied, though he wasn’t. The voice, Jenna Rolan, probably knew who he was, and assumed it wasn’t a lie._

_A sigh and then a “_ **_Take your time, honey,_ ** _” hung in the air, allowing Michael to slip away._

 

* * *

 

He was so surprised to see Michael at the play. Why would Michael want to see _him_ of all people? Jeremy knew what he did at the Halloween party. He felt like puking about it the next day, especially with the whole thing about Rich causing Jake’s house to go up in flames. He worried, maybe Michael… No, he saw on a news article who might’ve been dead or injured. No one had actually died; there was just a lot of injuries.

Of course, he couldn’t feel particularly happy about the visit when his Squip was attempting to make Jeremy punch Michael to death.

“It's- Not- Me- It’s- My- SQUIP!” Jeremy wailed, as he finally tugged himself away from Michael, after hitting him several times.

“It’s taking over my body! I need your help!”

Jeremy steadied himself, focusing all of the oddness he had felt for years, all the apology he had for that Halloween night, all the want of being Michael’s player two again, and channeled it into two words: “I’M SORRY!”

 

* * *

 

“You don’t want to drink that, Jeremy!” The Squip yelled as Jeremy held the bottle of Mountain Dew up.

“Why not!?” He replied, seething.

“Because then you’ll never figure out what you feel about him!” The Squip laughed, their frightened and angry tone becoming calmer, smoother, almost… haughty, as if they knew something he didn’t.

“Wha….” Jeremy’s voice trailed off, watching as the army of zombie students moved away, creating a path to easily watch the finishing moments of someone forcing the rest of the Squipped Mountain Dew down Michael’s throat. He looked silent, the boy in the red hoodie, and tears slowly dripped down his face as he stood up, but his mouth grew into a bright grin, attempting to mimic the one Jeremy had felt flutters over.

“Jeremy,” Michael said, over to him, with that smile. It twisted Jeremy’s guts again, except… in a bad way. Not In the wrong way it was supposed to, not the “I shouldn’t be feeling love here,” but a “One of the few things I love has been ruined,” type of twisty feeling.

“Jer-bear. You’re right. You were so right. Why would anyone want to get rid of this? I feel good. It’s showing me the future where I look like a real guy, and I’m free of dysphoria. I’m truly me, in the future. I just have to listen to them.”

“Th-that is _not_ Michael.”

“I assure you, it is! Except all his wants will be taken care of! He can be happy!”

Jeremy stared at this boy, this beautiful grin. But the grin was hollow. And it clicked. That odd feeling he felt for years was emptiness. But, empty of what?

“Jeremy, to repay you for helping me into this, I’ll do anything you want, no questions asked.

“Will he really?”

“Of course. Just say what you want. Name anything.”

“Great,” Jeremy whispered with a nod, stepping close to Michael. His grip on the Mountain Dew lessened as he handed it to the boy, and with a soft, sad smile, he said: “Drink this.”

And Michael did.

And Jeremy suddenly felt the world was spinning. His head felt like it would burst open, and he could feel himself tumble backwards, bursting into yelling, as he hit the ground, his last image being the Squip glitching out, a fearful expression on their face, replaced by a screaming Michael.

And then everything went dark.

 

* * *

 

He had woken up in a hospital bed, his head pounding, and drenched in cold sweat. A voice from the other side of the room called over, “Oh shit! Look who’s up!”

A quick turn of the head indicated that it was Rich Goranski in a full body cast.

“Uh, Rich, dude, what, uh, h-happened?” Jeremy didn’t even care about his stutter and his pauses. The shock that would echo through his body when he slouched or stuttered didn’t come.

“Well,” the guy from the other side started. “I’m in the body cast because I’m a pyromaniac, but you’re in the bed because of the Squips. I felt it shut down the other day.”

Oh, right. “Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow!”

“Feels like you’re missing a part of yourself, doesn’t it?”

“Rich?” Jeremy asked, holding his palms to his temples. How’d his hands even get there?

“Hurts like a motherfucker too,” The guy continued. “Now, be honest: What’re they saying about me at school?”

There was a pause where Jeremy didn’t want to answer because, well… “That bad?”

“Sorry,” Jeremy said, shaking his aching head, but was surprised by Rich’s enthusiastic answer.

“Sorry? I’m finally free of that shiny happy hive mind! When I get outta here, the ladies are gonna learn to love the real Richard Goranski!”

There was a beat in the conversation, but Rich suddenly lit up, like he had just met a realization.

“And the dudes. Oh my god, I’m totally bi!”

Jeremy’s puzzlement must have show on his face, because Rich sighed loudly, explaining the term.

“Bi. It’s Latin? Means two? It’s a shortened version of Bisexual, meaning I’m into two genders? Boys and girls?”

Blood rushed and pounded in Jeremy’s ear. This felt important. But _why?_

“Oh, hey, dude, you alright? Your buddy should be coming soon, it’s almost two-thirty.”

“M-my buddy?”

“Yeah. Anti-social headphones kid? He’s been by, like, a ton, by the way. What is he, your boyfriend or something? No judgement. Just curious. Totally bi now.”

“No, he’s not. Augh! I just-”

A voice interrupted Jeremy, the sentence spoken directed at the boy in the full body cast.

“I’m sure some special someone will be lucky to have you, Rich.”

Michael stood in the doorway, a true, genuine, heart stopping grin plastered on his face.

“You think?” Rich asked excitedly.

“I know,” Michael replied, laughing. “Now, private conversation, okay?” He said, pulling the curtain shut before finally looking at Jeremy.

“So-” Michael started, before being totally interrupted by Jeremy.

“Oh my god I am so sorry I ignored you forever, and the Halloween party, and I treated you like shit and I was being a transphobic fuck, and I swear it wasn’t me, I mean I guess it was me as the Squip was disabled but I was conditioned and I’m not trying to make excuses, but I swear I would _NEVER_ want to actually do that and I’m so mad at myself and-”

“Jeremy!” The other boy yelped, and Jeremy opened eyes he didn’t realize were closed.

“Jeremy, buddy. Jer-bere. I forgive you. Don’t go on like that dude.”

Jeremy slowly sat up, looking sheepish. “Why’d you come and get me? I was horrible to you!”

“Yeah? Well, your dad can be shockingly persuasive…”

 

* * *

 

He’d asked Christine out. He felt like that was what he was supposed to do, but after a week he broke down; this wasn’t what he wanted, anymore.

Christine understood, being sweet and reassuring about it.

“I’m really sorry, Christine. I caused a mess because of something I don’t want to do anymore. I’m an idiot,” Jeremy said as he confessed his feelings standing towards everything.

“You’re fantastic, but I don’t have this big crush on you anymore. I’m not sure I actually ever did. It’d be really easy to fall in love with you, I’m sure, but I think that- I just- ugh! I can’t stop thinking about something the Squip did at the play!”

He and Christine were sitting on the edge of the stage, their feet dangling over. Jeremy placed his head in his lap, angry and embarrassed, while Christine patted his back reassuringly.

“What happened? I was pretty out of it, besides how I thought it felt nice, thinking everything was going to be easy from there on out.” She asked politely.

“Promise you won’t think it’s weird?” Jeremy’s muffled voice asked.

“I solemnly swear. If I break my promise, you may restrain me to my home and restrict me from going to every audition I’m interested in for the rest of time,” Christine replied, placing her free hand on her heart.

“Alright,” Jeremy said, pulling his head up and looking at Christine.

“They said I’d never figure out whatever feelings I have towards Michael without them. Oh, t-them being the Squip! And then Rich told me about bisexuality when I didn’t even know it was a thing, but I’m pretty sure it describes me. Christine, I think my own brain might’ve used you as a dumb cover for…”

“Michael?” Christine asked, once Jeremy trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

“Exactly!” Jeremy replied, placing his head in his lap once again.

“Michael is the one with the red hoodie and the patches, yeah? He has a rainbow flag patch, I believe, so if you’re worried about him being freaked out because he’s straight then I think you’re fine.”

“It’s not that. It’s just…” Jeremy sighed, pulling himself up again, looking away from Christine. “I never even realized I… Uh, or, I guess I did, b-but I just shoved it away. And I treated him horribly when I had the Squip. I ignored him, called him something that I had swore to never call him again, I-i acted like this piece of shit, and he’s just… Augh! It’s like he’s not even mad! And there’s this horrible pressure that I caused with our friendship, and I don’t know how to fix it. This would be easier if he were angry, but he’s always so cool with everything. It’s like he never holds grudges. I can’t seem to repair anything If he keeps telling me he forgives me for everything going wrong.”

“Well, I don’t entirely know what you’re going through with this, but! How about you talk to him about this? Communication is key! Like this! We’re communicating right now, and do you feel better to finally talk to someone about this?” Christine asked, receiving a sheepish nod. “See? Hopefully you’ll feel better once you talk to him. Now, it’s not going to be a date anymore, but I still want you to take me to the movies, okay? If anything it’s a sense of happiness and normalcy. C’mon!” Christine cried, standing up and tugging Jeremy to his feet alongside her, before they raced off to a cheap movie theater.

 

* * *

 

From Jeremy: aye mikey, i was thinking we need to get together sometime this week. do u have a good time?

From Michael: yeah. im buying a new binder on like tuesday so you can come over and watch me shop.

From Jeremy: u grow out of ur old binder already???

From Michael: no.

From Jeremy: care to elaborate?

From Michael: maybe when you come over, nerd.

From Jeremy: fine fine, thats fair. hows 12:20? i can bring lunch.

From Michael: will you? yeah dude, thats a good time. see you then.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy stumbled up the door of Michael’s house, knocking, a bag with Subway sandwiches in one hand. He hoped Michael was still really into Subway. He didn’t actually know, from the several months they had spent apart.

“Come in, I’m at the island!” Michael called from inside, as Jeremy opened the door, with a smile. It was good to see the familiar house again. He hadn’t realized what he missed until it was gone.

“Okay so,” Jeremy started, kicking off his shoes. “I don’t know if I completely messed it up, but I grabbed a Steak and Cheese from Subway, cause that’s what I remember you liking.”

“Yeah dude, got my order right and everything. Oh, I’m swooning,” Michael joked, keeping his eyes on the computer as Jeremy walked over and sat next to him, passing over the sandwich.

“Oh ha ha, Mikey is funnyman. Whatever, man. Anyways, what’s the need for a new binder?” Jeremy asked, unwrapping his own lunch, about to take a bite, before he noticed Michael’s distressed face.

“You okay?” He asked, setting the food down, tapping Michael on the shoulder.

“Huh? Uh yeah, I just, mm, I may have burned my binder? Haha?” Michael said quietly, but Jeremy could tell he was serious.

“What? On purpose?” He asked, gaining a nod. “Why’d you do that?”

“I dunno. It was before your dad came with his motivational speech. I was sad, slightly high, and feeling impulsive. You gave it to me, and I was burning shit that reminded me of you. That’s why I’ve been wearing my hoodie for two and a half weeks straight.”

“Why haven’t you shopped for it until now?”

“I was getting enough money for one of the ones with the cool designs. I figure at this point, I’m generally accepted enough to lessen the compression just a little bit.”

“Yeah…”

The silence in the room was deafening, thoughts flying through each head.

“If you want me to, as an apology gift or s-something, I can buy you a trans patch and the b-”

“Don’t say binder, Jeremiah Heere. Put in a lot of work for it. But I will allow the trans patch,” Michael interrupted, finishing with a chuckle.

“Deal. What design you thinking of?”

“Depends. Quick, mermaids, dragons, or flowers.”

“Uh, mermaids.”

“Dude. Mermaids over dragons?”

“You were there when I went through the mermaid phase Michael. You watched me chug that salt water.”

“Shit, yeah. You cried for like half an hour after you accidentaly licked your tears off your face when Alan from third grade stole your Mewtwo card.”

“It was a legendary pokemon, Michael!”

“Sorry! Anyways, check this out,” Michael said turning his computer screen and pointing at the yellow mermaid scale patterned binder.

“Looks good. I like it.” Jeremy smiled at Michael, giving him a thumbs up, and picked up his sandwich when Michael turned his attention to the screen.

“So,” Michael said, as he went through the process of putting in his credit card information. “You asked Christine out, right? How’d that go?”

Jeremy, who had been chewing on a bite of lunch, swallowed and shrugged. “It didn’t.”

“What? Why?”

“I dunno, realized I didn’t want to date her, I guess. Like, of course my brain would go ‘Nah, don’t want her’ just after I went through almost taking over the world because of her. She was nice about it though. Let me get through the explanation I had figured out. She forced me to take her to the movies still, though, in a non-romantic way.”

Jeremy could tell Michael wanted to ask about the full explanation, he could see it on the boy’s face. He sighed, and willed his nerves to still. He knew he had to get this out there. “I will tell you, if you want me to. You just have to ask.”

“Alright then. Didn’t want to like, overstep boundaries, but if you're cool with it… So, what's the big explanation for turning down Christine?”

“Uhm, I kindarealizedImbisexualandthewholecrushIhadonherwasabiglietomyself?” Jeremy rushed out, stumbling over his own words, then looked at Michael, whose face expressed confusion.

“Okay, what? Take that from the top. I only understood one word in what you said just now and it wasn’t even important.”

Jeremy took a deep breath and exhaled, looking away from Michael.

“I kinda realized I’m bisexual, and also that the whole crush I had on Christine was a big lie my brain told itself.”

There was silence for a few seconds before Jeremy felt a tap on his shoulder, to which Michael said, “Why’d your brain tell you a lie like that?”

“Realized I liked a guy,” Jeremy replied roughly.

“That’s not a problem, is it? Like, I mean, I’m gay, so…”

“No no, I’m pretty fine with it now, I just think processed it as “I’m not gay! I’ve gotten crushes on girls before! Hold my beer, watch this! I’ll crush on girls all day!” And then I kinda did?”

“How long has it been going on? Since the day you told me you had a crush on Christine in seventh?”

“Pretty much, dude.”

“Jesus.”

“Eloquent w-way to describe it.”  
“Shush!” Michael said and then laughed, slightly shoving Jeremy, finally getting the admitting boy to look at him, a small smile painted on his face. They locked eyes for a moment, before Michael awkwardly looked to the left, and fumbled for something to say.

“So, who was the guy? Or do you still like him?”

“Uh,” Jeremy started, his mouth dry. Yeah, he did still like him. _Him._ To confess or not to confess.

Jeremy weighed his options, both of which might put unwanted pressure on his friendship, which they were barely placing the pieces back together for.

“Y-yes to still liking him, and uh, the first part’s kinda complicated?”

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s not a big deal.”

“No no, I will tell you, I’m just not comfortable talking about it yet, I guess.”

“Alright,” Michael said with a shrug. “Now, watch me buy my next binder. Oh shit, you’re bisexual, now I can ask opinions to see if it’ll attract guys. You think I’ll look good, Jer-bear?”  
“Haha, yeah buddy, I’m sure you will,” Jeremy replied, craning his face up to the ceiling to hide a slight blush that crept on his face.

 

* * *

 

It was a half a week after his binder arrived for Michael to get any more information about Jeremy’s crush, not that he pried. It just fell down at his feet one day.

Literally.

Michael had opened up his locker, and a letter with a trans patch flag fell from it, plopping on the ground near his feet. He smiled fondly. Jeremy actually went through with getting him the trans patch.

He bent over and scooped up the letter. If the patch wasn’t evidence enough of the letter being from his friend, the large ‘Jeremy’ written in sharpie on the front easily verified it was the boy.

The bell rang a few moments after, prompting Michael to head to history, deciding he’d read the letter in class. There wasn’t really anything important going on anymore; he’d had his last final a few days prior.

Once Michael settled into his seat, he phased out the teacher, talking about how the class sucked or how he’d suck Julius Caesar's dick for bus fare and then walk, or whatever, to tear open the letter.

 

_“Michael, if you’re reading this, either Christine put this in here, Christine blackmailed me, you found it in my room after I chickened out, or I generated enough confidence to put this in here myself._

_It was probably the blackmail, though._

_No matter!_

_So, crushes, huh? Yeah, crushes. On guys, and shit._

_If the patch is taped with this, hope you like it. Figured I would just give it with you here to like, I don’t know, soften the impact of information?_

_Actually don’t read that, it sounds stupid._

_Now that I think of it, this whole letter is stupid. We’ll be seeing each other ALL SUMMER, but I can’t exactly erase anything because Christine is glaring at me from over my shoulder as I write this._

_Oh yeah, Christine says “HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

_So, my crush._

_It’s on you._

_-Jeremy (and CHRISTINE!!!!!! CAUSE I’M FORCING HIM TO DO IT BECAUSE HE’S A HUGE NERD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)”_

 

Michael looked down at the letter in shock, re-reading it, for about two minutes, before he felt a tap on his shoulder, which jolted him out of whatever trance he was in.

“Yo,” the person behind the tap, Jake Dillinger, whispered. “You alright? You’re staring at that piece of paper like it just told you your mom died.”

Michael hushed him and discreetly passed him the paper to look over. When handed back, Jake mirrored his shocked expression, only weakened out by a smirk behind it all.

“Well, I think you and him have some things to talk about.”

Talking. Saying ‘I like you too and I’ve liked you since freshman year and you had a crush on me longer than I did on you?’ felt too intimately suffocating. Nah, he’d rather do something kinda grand, kinda big.

Michael gave Jake a smile and a shrug, his eyes lazy.

“Oh, yeah. Talk. Going to be a lovely talk, Dillinger. Hope it doesn’t get too wordy. Hope each other’s lips don’t get in the way,” to which Jake snickered at, as Michael devised his plan.

 

* * *

 

Lunchtime. Jeremy was dreading Michael coming into their shared period, which he expressed to Christine as they walked to the cafeteria together.

“He hasn’t sent me any word of recognition, he barely even acknowledged me in the hall, and now, I have to be in the same place as him for almost an hour. He probably got really weirded out and doesn’t want anything to do with me,” Jeremy sighed to Christine, trudging as he stood next to her.

Christine gave him a sympathetic smile, pushing open the doors in front of them.

“I’m sure that’s not the case. He probably just got a little shocked and needed the time to comprehend everything. Look, there he is, at the lunch table with the others. He obviously didn’t take off running, or he wouldn’t be hanging out at the table,” she encouraged, receiving a grumble in reply.

“Hey guys!” Christine said cheerfully as the approached and sat at the table, getting a chorus of hellos back from everyone around.

Michael began to grin when he noticed Jeremy, who avoided his gaze. Michael was sat next to Christine, who sat next to Jeremy, but he leaned over to whisper something in Christine’s ear, who nodded and switched places with him.

Jeremy’s eyes shifted over to the changing placement, and felt his heat miss like, three beats, as everyone but Christine and Jake watched on in confusion.

Michael sat with his grin, touching shoulders to Jeremy who refused to look to the other boy’s face, until finally, “Yes?”

Jeremy looked at Michael, face entirely red. He was nervous. Good.

At that point, Michael grabbed Jeremy’s face and smashed their lips together, glasses accidently smacking his forehead, but he didn’t let go, even when Chloe and Brooke wolf-whistled at them.

Jeremy was melting. Christine was right. The letter was a very good decision.

**Author's Note:**

> after this
> 
> Like a week later Jeremy and Michael actually ucking talk, those dweebs, and start dating soon after. There's crying, kissing, and hot chocolate. They talk about the bathroom incident, why Michael pretends nothing bothers him, and why Jeremy wanted to crush on anyone but Michael, those years ago.
> 
> They take a break in senior year when Michael initiates a break to try dating other people. It lasts for about a month and a half, and they both agree that Dustin Kropp is a really good kisser.
> 
> Every year on their anniversery they buy each other patches, and Jeremy gets a jacket just to sew them on and wear it around.
> 
> Christine and Jake rub it in everyone else's faces that they knew about the letter before the rest of the squad did.
> 
> Life is good.
> 
> Also pls kudo this it was so long it was like 16 pages in google docs my hands are crying im sorry its so badly written i honestly need to be banned from writing shit


End file.
